We Are The People by Empire of the Sun

I'm not one for sentimental and mush. Okay, maybe I am. With all the poisonous love novels I dive myself into. Tsk. Esque drivel by such. More often, I find myself reading lists of quotes online when I get demotivated. Small truths written or said by famous people and random people like you and I, is enough to get me going. To direct me into the correct path, to count my blessings. What is it about other people's thoughts that fascinate us? Sometimes when I'm in the car and I peek into people's home, I often drift in wonder about the lives they lead. The trials and tribulations that brought them to today.

I become an adult in a week's time. Does that mean I get to be reckless for at least another week? Where did my childhood and youth go? I think I should get back to writing journals and letters to myself, but it'll never work out for long.

I am left in a safe corner from idleness for a few hours before Monday comes along. With much work load to deal with. HATRED. Time has passed too much to stop, and my energy level is coming to its dead due. I constantly feel the vibe that I'm reaching a self actualization process these couple of months. And thats prolly find peace in nature, and find your place. But how far can you bring yourself to do that without actually having an adverse effect?

How do you feel accepted in nature, if you have no felt shunned away from it somehow? How do you stop yourself from being oblivious of your home in this world, when your surroundings have always been that way? For one, I can belong into a group of individuals that have nothing except for the being of nothing to do with each other, for no reason. The sense of, belonging. But, why? This is where the whole topic of Social Chameleon of all sorts comes into place (from my previous post). I get the feeling of disconnection, I don't belong or connect in the same frequency. I don't feel special of any sort at all, more like.. bizarre. Like a freak. I am what I am, I will camouflage. But I do get the feeling like I'm a freak sometimes, its absurd. I have preprogrammed my mind to say the right and civilised things, till sometimes, I have no thoughts of myself anymore.

These are the days we leave out oblivion, face facts that life to be questioned is usually unanswered. I started to accept that we need to prepare the mental place to run to, a place where we can feel our own skin and blood.

Peh. I had a bad day today. Plus side, it was a Sundaayyy!

Please don't tell me its Monday tomorrow.

ANAL. Peh.

Shine by Shannon Noll

It happened out of the blue when I stumbled across the least expected people back in Malaysia last night. In between laughs, I was amused by funny absorbing stories. We jumped from going places to quantum physics to condensation (how the cup never fails to overflow even though the ice is melting). It wasn't only refreshing. I felt, connected.

I brought up the topic on how we can be social chameleons. Wondering if they felt the same way. How sometimes things work where you meet a certain range of people and be able to freely discuss on anything from culture, lifestyle, strange phenomenons, opinions and its actually fascinating!

Amidst other times, we only blend into what norm society would discuss. Music, movies, and life? Ha ha, funny was how one of them mentioned 'What is there to discuss about our lives?' Most of the people place conversations of life thoughts on 'I'. My life, my this, my that, I think that my life has changed.. Where are personal opinions on everything circulating the universe?

There are other times when I just can't bring myself to exchange thoughts or opinions on things that I actually disagree. I'd rather stay in silence. I haven't figured out why I do that sometimes yet. I put on my social chameleon cloak and just let them say what they want to say. We mutually agreed that society never bother listening, all they want to do is TALK. Is it to make them feel vital? Significant? There's where a lot of 'I' comes into place. Heh. I'm only a sponge.

Without a doubt they agreed that on a random basis, you stumble upon people that ignores all mendacious talk. People, who saturate themselves into humanity. Connectedness, connection or something like that.

From time, a good coffee conversation will refresh and recollect my thoughts. To bring my head back down from space. Its not merely people exchanging words, ideas and stories; it isn't two people formulating things to say in response to other another. Its like, certain conversations are meant to be, as potential-energy. Like statistical likelihood of combustion. Discovering a natural phenomenon. These conversation existed by a reason. The conversation can be out aloud of by silence. Quantifying through jokes, music, acts. Eluding.

These conversations need not be with the right person, lover of life. Sometimes, just sometimes, people surprise me. The most random people too. Like a needle through a haystack. I'm certain these conversations has been had before, in every language or expression ever imaginable. The words or topics are never relevant, or they never come out at all. Spoken by the soft brush strokes of a blind painter, strumming of three-stringed violin.

We can spend our entire lives analyzing, proving what is right or not; talking about it, but a lifetime is not equitable. Waiting and wondering for a sign. Never ever daring to move. Doubting our purpose of existence. I don't know if any good will come out of it without ever taking a risk of stripping all walls down.

I'm an addict to connectivity. And thats that.