Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap

One thing that irks me most is coming to this blank typing space and finding that the words can't flow as lucidly as I want them to. After such a long break from not updating the blog, surely, there has to be a plethora of events or incidences to be updated and yes, there are, but I reckon the word flow/linguistic abilities have gotten rusty over the days/weeks/months of leaving my brain by the door. It's only too easy to claim that I'm too busy to update the blog. But however busy nonetheless, there's always room to make time but I am running dry on ideas.

I've finally found the space in time to bother updating because I'm stuck on this office seat with a monkey suit. My thoughts.. they are faraway. In addition to that widescreen picturesque view from my seat, its easy to go astray from the piles of responsibilities awaiting. There are so many questions that are yet to be answered, "Is this what God has instored for me, is this what He wants?" It was as though I had the most random epiphany this morning, the words "Be the change you want to see in the world" came across my mind, like a gentle reminder, a subtle wake up call.

Challenges are made to live by. I strongly believe that change, growth or transformation can only fully occur with personal or spiritual growth. When asked what do I place most importance in life, it would be personal growth. Every problem is a character building opportunity to flourish and the more difficult it is; the greater the potential for building the cells of spiritual muscle and moral fiber. Of late, it has been really really hard to live by such practice. Positivity is running on thin ice. Its as though time is playing its tricks on me, as it passes me by, the loathe grows stronger than the like instead of the other way around. I opened my heart to new undertakings and learnings, it seemed exciting at first. Foreign and challenging as it is, the growth of fondness is killed. I find myself questioning if I'll ever find my fit in this area of field. I can't.

I need to stop forcing myself and accept that this isn't my call of duty.

I may have plans but God always has better plans installed.