Undisclosed Desires by Muse

"You hold people back and build your damn walls..."

I tell myself that those words were only uttered due to your momentary rage of anger. I deny such blasphemy, stating that "No, I've let you in, in many ways of our friendship".

But I look back and discover the notions of truth in those verbal words. I only chose to share, not because I truly wanted to. But because it was only polite to, an obligation to our friendship. Many a times I am obligated to share filtered thoughts due to the pang of guilt that people are sharing more than I can afford to provide. I would bring myself to provide, so that I would not fall short / deprive the other party. It would somewhat seem... selfish of myself. I don't think I fully comprehend such guilt either, it probably doesn't make any sense to others at all.

These notions I get. I wish I had a switch to turn it all off.

Belle Of The Boulevard by Dashboard Confessionals

Here I am the morning after, wide eyed awake with a cup of steamy tea, French macaroons, and a breathtaking window view of Orchard. I'm in a mood of variation and contradictory.

Spontaneity is integral to fun – at least in as dictated in my little handbook of hedonism. Two general and crucial rules you must abide when it comes to having a good time – never say never, and pleasure is all that we live for. That’s all you need to know, that’s all you need to believe in. Indulge in the ephemeral church of hot addiction, and the many guilty indulgences it offers. Live life dangerously. Or so they may say.

Enjoy the offerings of youth – there can be no mistake you make now that will threaten your embryonic future. Your pliable minds are more amazing than you think, your eager minds are the essence that allowed Aristotle and Da Vinci to flourish. Bask in the glorious nude beaches of adolescence while you can. Ride merry-go-rounds, real or metaphorical ones. You’re not a working class hero. Yet.

As for now, I found my ethopia. The serene silence of the air, the smooth wooden pine floors, and a gigantic look out window is all I need.

Contentment.